


The words I never say

by vale_sweetdreams



Series: Rosquez [1]
Category: MotoGP RPF, Motorcycling RPF, Motorsport RPF
Genre: Angst, Chapter 10 is about death, Happy Past, Making Up, Nostalgia, Racing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:50:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vale_sweetdreams/pseuds/vale_sweetdreams
Summary: Valentino wasn’t easily affected, but when it comes to his own feelings from the past 10 years, he can't understand what happens to him.Vale’s feelings during the years with his career and the only two riders he ever loved.





	1. Remembering

**Author's Note:**

> I'm usually not sure about anything I write, but this idea just came to my mind and I hope you enjoy reading!

Valentino wasn’t easily affected. Actually, he was always been good at faking his own feeling and move on. But sometimes it was just too much.

He is used to it, when he was young, his father put the pressure on him: “or you ride and win or you love”. His father himself used to be a rider so he just took it, thinking if he had what his parent had he would never succeed as he did.  

He was doing pretty well during the beginning of his career, he always hooked up with some girls (sometimes some boys) and never had nothing serious. He also had the prying eyes of Uccio his whole life and to make everything worst, he knew his childhood best friend has always had a crush on him what made everything worst.

He wasn’t one who showed feelings, he learned how to fake it very well with Uccio because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, he is a good friend and Vale wants him close. Of course, he always had something to say when he showed up with someone for more than one night, always lectures about how it wasn’t good for him (and Vale knew the reasons, wasn’t about the race). 

He had some girlfriends, most of them he actually never loved because he was too focus on racing, and in the end, they always asked him to choose. He never hesitated, he always chose the racing. And it was never a problem, because if he was hurt, he just had his victories and world championships to cheer him up. He never had anything to lose, after all he is becoming the greatest of all time or maybe the greatest of his time or maybe one of the best. He doesn’t care, he only loves the feeling racing gives to him.

When 2006 happened and he lost, but he didn’t show any sadness or signs to give up, no, he hide his bad feelings, like always, like he learned how to do. It was fine.

But then he met  _him_. A young boy who just caught him. After that day he felt the need to share everything with him, his secrets, his skills, his life. At the beginning he didn’t think it would turn what turned, and even responded the disproval of Uccio with something like “it’s nothing, he’s just a rider I want to help”. He wasn’t. He was much more.

From the day his feelings for Marco started, Vale had something else to lose. But for the first time he had someone by his side to collapse when the race goes wrong... He had him when he broke his leg and when he realized he made the wrong choice of going to Ducati. 

But he had something to lose. He lived his best moments, he made the best memories, he had the best nights during race weekends and the best holidays on a distant beach of his life. He had something to lose. And he did.

 

He spent days, weeks, months, years blaming himself. Only some meters behind, only one position behind, only if he didn’t make that overtake a couple of turns before. He was lost and never thought he was going to be happy again.

But then a young boy has appeared in his life again. He was getting old and Uccio was pissing him off again about “you did it before and look what happened”. But he was afraid of end up alone and the boy just showed up all the love he was looking for. 

His wound wasn’t healed, but he was happy again, making memories again, being tested again. And even that came to an end. Marc wasn’t really gone, but this time was really his fault. This time he let Uccio talk and the usual ‘not feel anything’ he learned back than take him away. 

Valentino wasn’t easily affected. But this time everything that happened to his life caught him. It was too much.


	2. Thailand 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the roller coaster of feelings, but it is how it is. Hope you enjoy!

Valentino hated the track, he really did. He didn't like it from the first time he saw the layout and even more when he completed the first lap in pre season. Maybe he would like it if the bike wasn’t this mess he couldn't figure out something to do about her. Actually he could, like he did in Aragon for the race, wasn’t the best thing he and the team did and the situation was not their fault. 

Still, he was a mess, not only the bike. He arrived at the airport wishing he was anywhere but there, he forced his best smile for the fans who were waiting for him. And he was only starting a very long weekend...

Once he arrived at the hotel, he excused himself from Uccio, not wanting to give space to any question about what was affecting him, even if his best friend knew it too well, was never the best option for him to share the disgrace of his racing life to someone who doesn't know race like he does. The worst thing was, this he wasn't himself, Valentino, was the one he missed the more in times like this in his life.

He woke up the same way he was in the previous day, in his uncomfortable jeans and Yamaha shirt, he didn’t even bother picking the blanket, he was too hot to cover himself to sleep. The jet leg never affected him that much, he was tired and the first thought that came to his mind was the press conference. Fuck, if it couldn’t get any worse than it already is. He wasn’t ready to face Marc, not yet, he had avoided him in Aragon when, thankfully, he wasn’t designed for the torture.

Even though he knows he has to talk to him, it’s probably affecting the Spaniard too and he can’t help but feel guilt and with the need to comfort him. He quickly dismisses this thought, he gets up and heads to a cold shower to calm him down, thing that the sleep was completely helpless in completing the goal. Just like his bike was unable to race in the same pace as him.

The shower helps and even if his face right now is not his best, he can put the blame on the flight and the ridiculous jet leg. When he arrives in the press conference room, of course, they had to put the two side by side, no, they can’t be on opposite sides of the table, they have to sit together. Of course, they are expecting some other pathetic show from them, but he wasn’t willing to give it to them ever again.

It was actually better than he expected, he answered the questions like he’s been doing from the past 22 years of his life and even managed to forget about the object of his thoughts for a while. But when the reporter asks them to stand up to take a photo, their shoulders touch, a brief moment his brain can’t function in the right way and he even sees a smile coming from Marc’s lips. He is probably imagining things, because Marc wouldn’t be crazy to show affection in public – or even in private, who knows, they never talked about it – after what he did in Misano.

Yeah, he feels like they should talk, maybe Marc was expecting him to solve their “problem” in private, just like he told the press, but he wasn’t brave enough,  _not yet_ , he corrects himself, to face him. He is a coward, he knows, Marc waited for him for some months and he can’t react. Ok, it’s time to let it go, he needs to focus on the weekend and what waits for him on track, it’s the only thing he can do right now.

Friday starts well, really well, he can’t remember when was the last time he had such a good feeling on his bike since day one. The only problem is that he had no fucking idea what changed to the table turn like that. But he can’t complain, if is this way she wants to works, well, he just needs to go with it. Talking to press, he even manages a joke, a natural one he doesn’t have to think about before coming out.

On Saturday he has a roller-coaster of feelings. He is more than happy that his bike finally gave him what he always knew she has and fighting for pole after so long is the best thing that could happen to him. He feels competitive, with good pace, both willing to fight to the end. 

The happiness was not the only thing he was feeling once he arrived in parc ferme. He knew that he was the pole, that he was the one he was fighting to and is going to fight in the race. The first feeling is of joy, he was reliving something the misses a lot: being on track with him is one of the things he loves the most. But he was also worried about how he should behave in front of cameras, so he decided for the same thing he was doing since Argentina, when they relationship ended: he tried to ignore him.

But of course Marc is not a silly boy, when they pose for the photo he sees the same smile he did in press conference on Thursday. They arms touch for a couple of seconds and he can feel the warmness even with the letters stopping the skin contact, he can feel it on Marc too. Maybe it’s something on his imagination, maybe he misses Marc too much he is imagining that Marc is missing him too, even after he ignored him over and over again. He couldn’t expect someone to wait for him while he is ‘thinking’ about what to do. 

Marc probably hated him right now. And this thought wasn’t a one good for him and with that he headed to another press conference, another time by his side. His happy face and mood overlaying the feeling of ‘it’s probably too late now’ because his mind can work so well with putting the race first – the cause why they are no long together, but at least this time it’s remembering him something good and not a stupid fight.

The happiness is quickly shaken when Marc is answering a question about his pole and Vale tries not to look at him, not feel the joy for him too,  _it’s not my feeling to feel_. But when he is the one answering the question, the feels a glance at him that comes from the right, from Marc, and he swear he saw the smile again. When is not the bike, is  _him_ that drives him crazy.

On Sunday he gave everything he could. He finally had the adrenaline and the high of being in front, he didn't remember the last time he led a single lap. But he hadn’t forgotten how to ride in front, he even had to let it go when he saw he couldn’t fight. At the end he was satisfied, not enough, always remembering the team that the work should keep going. The sensation of work not to try to solve a problem but to continue with the previous setting, it’s something he will never get enough, almost like he is getting back to business... Maybe he is.

Vale never thought that the shitty start of his weekend would end up like it did. He is confident again that his career will not end up like the Ducati days and he is more than willing not to let it happen. By the end of the day, when he is heading to the airport, that’s when he remembered Marc and how happy he was feeling for winning the race in last corner... He couldn’t help but feel proud of him.

And when he thinks about it, he realizes, it’s not the best time to talk to him, they both are focus on their careers... at the end of the season, he promises for himself, at the end of the season they will talk.


	3. Japan 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm so happy with Marc's title, but I kinda knew it was coming this weekend.

Valentino was not surprised at all when the week before his brother approached him very cautious and with a scary face, telling him that he fell in love with Alex and now they are together. He wasn’t blind not to see that the two always had that flirty look when they had those family meetings, even before 2015. 

He is sure that his relationship with Marc is the cause of all Luca’s fears because really, if he was in his position, he would probably never tell that his boyfriend is brother of his brother ex. Especially when the ex is not _that much_ ex. Anyway... 

Of course he supports Luca, only god knows how he will gladly put his brother happiness before his own. His situation with Marc is complicated, yes, but he would never hurt Luca by not letting he see Alex. Actually, he was glad, maybe it was a better way for him to talk to Marc without being inconvenient at the paddock, especially now that his is about to become world champions. 

And Luca knew the conflict inside his brother that is keeping him away from the man he loves. He even talked to Alex about it, the day before both of them break the news to their brothers, that Marc is expecting Valentino to make the move and Valentino is scared of Marc not wants him anymore. It’s difficult for them, watching their brothers suffer, but they don’t want to push more than it already had been pushed...

Luca was even surprised that Vale invited Alex to train with them on Sunday and both knew that family is not completely ruined, at least both Vale and Marc were very supportive with them.

As the last race was better than he expected, all Valentino can do is get a little more optimist about his bike in Japan. Even though Motegi is a circuit that demand more from the acceleration and he got two DNF’s in the last two years there. Another thing is that is not sure if the bike improved or Thailand just fooled him like Germany did. But he was already used to the contrast of feelings, of not knowing how to feel. With his bike  _and Marc_.

He tried not thing about the Spaniard and was relive when his name wasn’t on press conference. It is always easier when he is not by his side during a whole hour. He had a loose schedule and could do the track walk with the Academy boys with no hurry, only worrying about teach them the lines and also giving some shorter interviews, the ones the loves the most. 

In one of them he was asked about Marc’s title, of course, they will always bring him to the topic. During his own glory days he was never that sincere, he learnt how to give the people what they want and he knows that’s why he is loved in the whole world. But now, now he doesn’t care anymore and he went to the sincerest answer he could give: he will win and if it was me, I would try to win this weekend.

And he really would, actually, it is the advice that he would give to Marc if he could talk to him, but he quickly dismissed this thought and continue the interview with the best mood he could give.

Breakfast Friday morning was not the more pleasant experience. As he, the Academy boys and Uccio were sit at the table, his friend couldn’t stop talking about “the bastard that is trying to be best than you but will never be”. And his wish to be on top of the bike was bigger than ever, even if he had no idea what to do with her... but with Uccio he can’t fake, he knows him too well, so Vale only nods and gives him the ‘stop it already’ look, knowing Uccio will never...

The bike... well... she wasn’t good but also not bad, kind of what he expected, the good thing is that he managed to be in Top 10, he couldn’t stand another pathetic grid start anymore.

After the briefing with the team he went straight to his hotel room, too tired to talk to anyone, happy that Luca will spend the night with Alex.

Happy he was also on Saturday when he had a busy schedule: briefing with the academy, free practices, qualifying, interviews, briefing with the team and the most important, spend the night trying to figure out what the hell they will do for the race.

As always, they need an improvement and almost miracle, but he likes it, he likes keeping his mind full with racing stuff, numbers and bike settings so he doesn’t have time to think about the one who hunts him since the beginning of the season.

He does well in warm up, but after the first five laps of the race is there, the laziness his bike has that seems to last forever, he tries to give gas but it doesn’t work, when he sees, the two Suzukis are overtaking him and the only thing he can thing in that moment is “fuck, it will never get better”. 

He was not focusing on the front battle, he was just trying to finish the race, at least this year, when he saw he was running in fourth position and he tried to see who had crashed... when he realized it was Dovi, many feelings started inside him. 

He managed to finish his own race, pissed off with Yamaha, once again, not ready to have the same conversation with the engineers and the directors and today even with the president, he is tired of it, he just wants to race without this constant worry about performance and things that the other members of the team should be worried about. Yes, he wants everything perfect, he is not going to win another championship, but their riders will and he really expects that at least one of them will make it with Yamaha.  _Since he never got the chance_...

And then he sees the celebration, the boy up there with the special shirt and happier than ever, as if he is winning his first title... Valentino vagally remembers his own seventh title, which seems a long time ago, and also remembers how Marc was celebrating, a very original and funny one, the same as he introduced when he arrived in the world championship and thought it was too boring not to have those kinds of celebrations.

Now it is Marc’s turn to have those parties and make the world happy. He is happy, really is. He couldn’t stop think about the beginning of the season, when the untold words ended up being told to the rest of the world, literally, and the Spaniard overcame this “personal issue” and rode faster and better than ever... just like him, and he wonderer, for a moment, if Marc had learnt it from him too.

And that’s why, after he had the conversation with the team, after he packed his stuff and was heading to the airport for his flight to Australia that he turned on his cell phone and send the message for the number he had deleted, but knew by heart: 

Congratulations, you deserve more than anyone.

Hoping that in the middle of the hundred messages he will receive, because he knows how it’s like he’s been there before, Marc will read his, but he wasn’t expecting an answer, he doesn’t deserve one.  _Because I'm not the reason he is happy._


	4. Phillip Island 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about anything... too much feeling this weekend

Valentino doesn’t like to spend  _the_ day alone, as always, he was in a foreign country and couldn’t bury himself on his own bed just like he wanted to do. For the first time since the first anniversary he didn’t have Marc to comfort him, so he decided to stay in the hotel room, order some alcohol and just be sad like he can’t be the other days.  He doesn’t even pick his phone during the whole day, he knows some people will be worry, someone even knocks, and he thinks he listened to Luca’s voice, but Vale is too numb to answer. 

Seven years ago, someone told him, he doesn’t remember who, that the time will ease the pain and only the good memories will stay, and he tries. Only god knows how often he recalls the good memories, it’s what prevented him not to go completely crazy, and he is sure he is going to lose his mind. 

The day passes slow, slower than he wished. He alternated consciousness and sleepiness during the whole afternoon, when he was more drunk than a whole night partying. Memories from the day Marco approached him, the day of their first kiss, their first time, the day that they were sure that both of parents would have a heart attack when they told them about the relationship. 

He remembered the day they celebrated the titles in 2008, never thinking it would have a happier day in their lives. Now, Valentino thinks, that day was the best day he lived, double everything, never a world championship tasted so good, and he won many.

He also recalled the time when he was lost, but Marco was starting his career and the only thing he could do was support him, and even if he didn’t deserve the trust, Marco was the one who put him up and never let him give up.

The memories of happy times are soon replaced with the one from that day, the day everything ended. The tears he held up until he was alone – completely alone – seven years ago. The tears he almost let escape when he did that amazing race in Phillip Island two years ago when he dedicated his podium to him.

And 2016 also remembers him Marc, how he whispered sweet words to him this same day in the previous years. Now he feels stupid for leaving the message after the last race, Marc knows how sensitive he is during this time of the year and he’ll probably think that he texted him because of it. 

Too tired with the thoughts, he falls asleep really hoping that the age did not hit him as hard as it seems.

 

Of course the next day he woke up with a terrible headache and the obvious hangover. He doesn’t regret, the date deserves the treatment. So he decides to go for a shower to try to turn off the feelings and just go with the week and race who wait for him to be, well, him, the charismatic and funny guy, always making some jokes even if the things are not good, and they were no good for a while now.

Suddenly, Valentino remembers the interview they schedule for him, the usual pre-press conference that he completely forgot the day before. As always, he goes with his best face. But first, he made a quick pass to Luca’s room, for his brother to be sure that he survived the day before. 

Vale wasn’t surprised it was Alex who opened the door, but seeing the similar face reminded him why he still hasn’t looked at his phone, scared with the prospective of an answer or the frustration of not getting one at all, he doesn’t know what will be the worst.

For the interview he decided to play more optimistic, the Italian always loved Phillip Island and he is – almost – sure that this year bike will love too. He has only good memories with the track.

When he returns to the hotel, he finally decides to check his phone... a lot of texts about Marco, a lovely one from his mother that he gladly replies, the boys from the academy sharing their moments in the group, many missing calls from Luca, some from Uccio too, and then the one who makes his heart stops for a moment, a message sent the morning before.

        Thank you, Vale. Are you ready for the game tomorrow?

He needed a time to process the information and after some minutes he realized what Marc was talking about. The Champions League game, the one both of them always talked about and now finally their teams will face each other. Valentino is used with the rivalry in football, Marco supported Milan, so Marc being a Barcelona fan was easier. 

      I am, ready to beat you.

It really surprises him, he never thought Marc would text him back, imagine to talk about something trivial as football and then he realizes, the Spaniard knows about the date and probably thought about something that could boost the Italian mood. He smiles with the thought, and the two just text during the whole game, but it ended in favour to Marc, again, as the subject between them ended that day.

 

 

Next day Valentino woke up with a different mood, completely the opposite of the couple of days before. The press conference he was in again wasn’t as threatening as it seems the last time and even the prospective of sitting beside Marc wasn’t that bad, because really, he knew they will put them together, only waiting for another chapter of their pathetic situation.

As always, not even a glance they give to each other, a situation he is already used to, at least this time he feels the air lighter, maybe from their first attempt of talking the night before, he doesn’t know... 

He answers the questions as usual, more authentic than the interview the day before and there was a moment that he even laughs for real. But then a journalist asks him about Marc, apparently the media has been talking about his Honda contract and if he will ever leave the team. Of course they had to ask him, if he is an example to anyone... 

And as with everything with Marc, his answer is the sincerest he could give: he doesn’t have anything to prove, if he is good with Honda he should stay, it’s  _personal_.

Friday started with rain. Great. Just great. The delay only got him bored, he wanted to be on track and just feel the bike and learn what he has to do to improve because, of course, he will have to. This time, fortunately, the problem is something they can solve by themselves, considering how good Maverick is doing. 

The condition was better next day, however Valentino was a little more worried, not about himself, he was as usual, not good on Friday and improving on Saturday, but Marc had already crashed twice and it is not normal for him... anyway, his own mind couldn’t be with him now, that’s what he tries to put in his brain. 

But of course the boy wasn’t doing bad, he just made pole position after that.

Valentino struggled with the urge to send another message to congratulate him, but in the end the thought that it would be too much, considering that pole position is not a big thing, not for him, won and he fell sleep with his cell phone in his hands.

 

As soon as he arrived to the hotel room, he felt like crashing in the bed. His whole body hurt but he was sure it is not physical, he is in shape and could run a marathon at his age. It is completely emotional. 

After some years he stop caring about his team mate win and beat him, he just races with his heart, try to have fun and win sometimes. His  _sadness_ was not about being defeat by Maverick, or better, by Maverick winning the race, no, he was  _glad_ that the team finally won a race after more than one year. He was sad, no,  _mad_ , at himself, for not being able to ride the bike – who was good this time – like he always did. He was  _angry_ that he had been complaining about it and now when the M1 delivers a decent performance he wasn’t able to go fast because of one fucking mistake. 

He was  _disappointed_ about the way that his hopes for a better race ended. And he was  _scared._ This time it has nothing to do about his lack of performance. It is because he saw everything happening, the way Zarco put a little to the left and then went straight to the rear of Marc's bike. Valentino was sure that he saw the Repsol bike go forward at the same time the French was flying.  _Fuck_ , it was his first thought. But then it did not, Vale himself past Marc, as he was only slowing down. 

The relief he felt when the Spaniard did not crash, is a thing that refuses to leave his brain and his heart. He is still so fallen into the boy that he can't deny how is urge to go to him consumes him completely. 

Suddenly he hears his phone rings, that different sound he hasn't heard since before the race in Argentina. He is not sure how long he just stand there, looking at the name without believing it is really Marc calling.

Eventually he picks up, his hand shaking with the prospective of their first real conversation in a long time. “Ciao” and Marc is not doing any better than himself, why call then?

“Hey Marc” happy that his voice didn’t tremble, he just left his name in the air. 

After some seconds and a deep breath, the reason. “I'm sorry about your race.” 

 _Me too_. Was the first thing that came into his mind, but he didn’t know, he wasn’t expect this turning of events in the end of his day, he didn’t plan a conversation with Marc and didn’t know what to say,  _how_ to answer. He didn’t know with Marc did this, but no one can preview what the boy will do, it’s the first thing he learnt about him.  He didn’t know if he should act like before, if he should act as if they were friends or if he shouldn’t act at all. The last option is the one he’s been doing...

“Vale? Can... can I go there? I mean... do you want to talk?”

Fuck... Valentino is sure that his heart stop at that moment, he is a chaos, the nickname, the way of his broken voice, he only wants to hug him and never let him go, not anymore, but...

“Yeah, yes, but my flight leaves in about three hours, can we... would you go to my room in Malaysia? I.. I’m sorry” There, he has done it again, but this time he is sure that he cried, because life could be this hard on him on purpose...

“Yes, just... just text me the number, I’ll be there soon too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so for arriving here...
> 
> Happier times will come soon


	5. Sepang 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. This weekend really brought me hope. The two talking again, even if it is just a little, it is a big progress and I'm so happy Vale is finally letting his pride aside. And the race, well, don't know what to say, he was amazing despite the end.

Valentino is not sure his dizziness is because of the heat or the prospective of what will happen. He did text the number of his room and he didn’t have to wait a single minute for the answer. Two more hours and Marc will be there. 

It is an odd feeling, like he is having a déjà vu. Ironically, he was on the same floor he stayed in 2011 and 2015, he didn’t know why, but he still remembered this little detail about the two worst days in his life. And he was there again: on the 11th floor of the hotel they always booked for the MotoGP riders. 

Another thing came into his mind while he was pacing around the room, he’s been in Sepang since the first time, actually, his first race ever in MotoGP was in Malaysia, Shah Alam is (was) an important part in his career.

And Sepang is an important part of his life. He practically lost everything there, he lost Marco forever and had a stupid fight with Marc, which ended for him losing a bid of the Spaniard too. B _ut I also won some titles here_. He tries to think a little more positive, but it was for no use.

The time passes slowly, he checks his phone on each two minutes, refusing to sit down or turn on the television to watch anything that could distract him. So he tries to draw the circuit layout in his head, to remember the break and acceleration points, where he can give more gas and where he needs to slow down, a little  _thing_ in his stomach relives when he is in turn 11...  _fuck, I know all the circuits by heart..._

And then 1PM arrives and with it the knock on his door.  _So glad that Marc is not like me and is late for everything_ _._ Punctually 1PM, punctually his hearts start a frantic beat, a thing that in his 39 years he never felt, so how could he name it? 

When he opens the door and it reveals Marc, it’s like his world completely stopped. A smile he misses so much who says a simple “Hi Vale”... J _ust calm yourself, Valentino, it’s not like you’ve never done this before..._

Once Marc is safety inside, the question that is hunting him since the day before... “So do you want to talk?”

The nervous Marc shows his side, a thing that Valentino didn’t like, Marc has always been the confident and up one in their relationship... yeah, but they are not in one anymore, so this is now, has he to learn the Spaniard once again?

“Yes, hmm, we both had a shit race, so I thought that we... hmm... we could talk a little, I mean, if you want to, I won’t bother if you have other things to do or if you don’t want to talk about your bike with me I will understand”

God, he watches Marc’s face while he throws all the words without even breathing, he can see a drop of sweat in his face even if the air conditioning is on. Now he is sure Marc thought a lot before doing this, but still: what for? Why he wants to talk about shit races with him, the one who doesn’t deserve him after breaking his heart again and again?  _Ok, maybe I’m used to it, but still, he has Dani besides him who also had a shit race..._

“Did you eat? I can order room service” Why this idea came into his mind? He has no idea, actually, he is tired to understand his actions.

And they did talk. More Marc, exactly, and he listened about every details of his incident with Zarco and how he felt. He told his sensations with the bike and how he made the mistake that costed him the podium. The first time in months they really talk, the first time in months they look at each other eyes. A table in the hotel room eating hotel food was not what he expected, but still, talk about race is everything he can right now, yeah, because he still thinks he doesn’t deserve the boy.

“Thank you, Vale, but I... now I have some sponsors things...”  _Yeah, I know what you mean_. 

“Of course, you are the champion” This is it. He is still not able to make a proper goodbye, even after an innocent lunch that probably don’t mean anything.

“See you on Thursday?”

“Yes, we will be there.”

And with that he is left alone with his stupid thoughts of a shared moment about the previous race with his rival or, maybe, his former lover or love of his life? What will they do now? Be casual and still talk trough text about race stuffs? Will Marc appear again? Maybe he should call sometime? Or should he ignore him again, like it never happened? He doesn’t now and his is almost sure that Marc doesn’t know either...

For the first time in some years he was disappointed he wasn’t in the press conference. Even if he is sure they wouldn’t look to each other during the time, he wanted to feel Marc presence. But of course, he wasn’t be in press conference forever, it’s for the top riders... 

On the other side, he felt more confident to share his thoughts with the Italian television, another question about retirement...  _yeah, not thinking about_ _it_ _yet_... another question about his age...  _but I am the only one who can call me old, didn’t you understand it?_... another question about his bike... it's not the best and we need to improve but you already know... at least he is being sincere. I _am not done yet_.

What really surprises him is one thing that he reads while scrolling in his Instagram timeline. An interview that Marc gave hours early for the Italian Television, telling them a moment that he had in 2008 just before the race in Sepang with Marco, when they met in the bathroom and Marco was relaxed and singing... after that he won the title. 

And it brings a warmth in heart, the two are so important to him, but... Marc never talks about Marco, of course, in the past they talked about him, most of the time when Valentino himself was in grief, never about Marc’s memories, even if he knows that they had met a couple of times.

But, he thinks, why now? Why share it now, after ten years? The answer comes an hour later, when his phone vibrates and reveals a message from Marc.

      Marc: Did you see it? I thought you would like...

_Oh, the boy hasn’t learnt_... but he smiles, Marc couldn’t have told everyone this story just because of him, but his is like this...

    Thank you

Freedom. That’s what he felt the first time he made a run on Friday morning. The bike was totally different from Phillip Island, they hard work during the week was finally paying off. He felt good for the first time since Thailand, fast and with a consistent pace. 

He even had time to help Luca with his bike, a thing that he hadn’t done since the beginning of the year, always too worried about his own. Of course he had to listen a lot of Alex too, his brother so in love and it’s cute, just enjoy the life and what it has to offer. 

Next day, more relaxed than ever, Valentino doesn’t know what got in him, maybe he hit the head while sleeping or maybe is the dream he’s been having since he sent that first message in Japan... He was doing good in FP4, testing some things for the race when suddenly he saw Marc in the fast line and  _fuck, we can’t do this again..._ so against all the principles that Uccio gave him in the last months, he raised his hand to apologise and yeah, he could feel Marc nod and raise hand too...

It was even worst, or best, he doesn't know, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the Spaniard, during the whole preparation, the whole qualifying, while doing a very welcome fast lap in the wet to put him in front row, he couldn’t stop thinking about him, how he does his fast laps, how he moves on the bike, how he  _taught_ him how to ride like this...

And when he found himself beside Marc in the parc ferme, getting ready for the picture, it was stronger than him, he apologised, again, he  _looked_ at Marc for the first time since everything happen in public, and he  _touched_ him, for some seconds, but he knows it was enough for the photographers... the touch burn, he was hot, but it burn, it sent some shivers through his body and it’s been months since he felt it for the last time. 

Some glimpse from the lunch they had on Monday, where they were alone but didn’t touch each other and now, a thing that he had told Marc he didn’t want to do, he did. He show affection in public, oh God, the boy must be so confused with his signals, but it was stronger than him and maybe a restart... how he was praying for it to be a restart...

The scene didn’t go unnoticed by Uccio, of course, he realise when they were heading to the hotel and instead of his friend going to his own room, he went to Valentino’s.

“What was that?”  _There we go..._  

“What was what?” He rather plays the dumb way, because really, this is ridiculous, he is almost 40 and his best friend treating him like a teenager.

“That thing in qualifying” 

“Yeah, I was feeling good and set the third fastest time, will start the race in first row, you already know this” J _ust don’t want to talk about the thing with you..._.

Uccio gives an angry face, the one he is scared sometimes, but he also saw a bit of disappointment there. “You know what I am talking about. What? Since where you talk to  _him_ or touch  _him_?”

He notices the disgust in his voice, when he speaks  _him_ and Valentino can’t help but feel sick, because his best friend was meant to support him, not only with racing stuffs, but also in his life, his personal life, his love life. But instead Uccio always had a step behind with Marco and especially with Marc.

“Since my life is my life and I don’t want to explain it to you, especially when you don’t have my back. From now on I make my own decisions, ok?” It wasn’t his intention to explode, but he just can’t anymore, the only thing he wants right now is to focus on race day and make those fucking decisions right this time.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Why those things keep happening? Another fucking mistake, the one he couldn’t afford to do. Just now, when everything was good. The bike? Good. The track? Good. The weather? Good. Start? Perfect. Pace? Couldn’t ask for a better one. And still, he had to lose the rear tyre and crash and fuck a perfect Sunday.

He never thought he could be prouder than he was an hour early. He’s been expecting Luca’s first victory for some races now, he knew he could do it, and he had to do just in the race Pecco conquer the championship. Above all, Valentino just became world champion for the first time with his own team. All he wanted was to be there and celebrate with them, the people who brought hope to him again for a future on track.

But he had to race and he was feeling renewed after the title.  _I guess nothing is like I wish they would be_. And he couldn’t help but feel frustrated. He could have won or he could have fought with Marc and maybe arrive second, it wouldn’t be bad. He is in shape and four more laps wouldn’t have killed him. And yet, he made a mistake, many of those in the last years.

Yeah, he wants to take all the positive things about the day, how he rode, how he fought, how his is not that old as they say... but still, it is disappointing. All Valentino wants is return home and just take a day off to feel sorry for himself and then get back on track to try to do all again.

But when he was packing, he felt his phone vibrate, yeah, this is it.

    Marc: Can we talk again? 

_Breath, just_ _breath_ _._ Why again when he is leaving, why again?

     Actually, my flight leaves in two hours.

_Breath_. Fuck.

    Marc:  I know. I’m on it too.


	6. Valencia 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I write the first part before, so it is more a Sepang afterwards and Valencia... I am so happy with Vale's comeback but also so sad that he crashed again :( 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.

During the early hours of the flight, Valentino kept replaying the message in his head. If Marc is really in this same airplane, why he didn't see him yet? He knows Luca is with Alex, it’s the only time they have to celebrate his first victory together and of course he couldn't deny it to his own brother, who is happier than he ever been before.

He is still with Pecco's shirt, a way to remember him that the weekend was not as bad as it seems in his mind.  _But yeah, I have the ability to_ _ruin everything._.. 

“I am sorry”

He is lost in thoughts, looking to a city that he has no idea where it is when he hears a voice that definitely is not Uccio coming from the seat beside him. It is a too familiar voice.

He looks at him and Marc gives a shy smile. “What?”

“It was not because of me, was it? I mean, the crash, I’m sorry about the crash...” He looks at the little window again, trying to hold the tears again, he is not going to show his weakness now, on an airplane with all his team  _and_ Marc, he had promised himself he will be strong until his is behind locked doors in his own room.

“Don’t worry, Marc, it was completely my fault, and a little the tyres too” he tries to joke, it’s difficult, but he does it so well that even he believes. 

“I know, but I’m sorry I put pressure on you again, you didn’t need to apologize and... you know”  _Yeah, I do, but why you think it is the reason?_

_“_ You didn’t do anything wrong, I did, you were there... you are always there” the last sentence was a whisper, more for himself than for Marc, but his is sure he got it too. “But, why are you in this flight? You should be in one celebrating your title.”

“I’m here with Alex, but I think I’ll send them here to you, they are so annoying” he turns his eyes and laugh,  _so adorable_ , Valentino thinks, but suddenly something catches Marc’s attention. “I better go, don’t think your friend will like to see me here, see you in Valencia?”

“Yes” Valentino hands start to sweat, a reaction he doesn’t know why he has, but his throat is getting dry and he manages to say it even if it’s a stupid think. “But we have the second game, if you want to do like the first one...” He doesn’t finish the sentence, he leaves it open for Marc to take. 

“We talk” he smiles again and leaves and Valentino realizes he was holding his breath, like someone talking to the guy he has a crush on,  _get your shit together, Valentino, you are not a teenager and you are not fleeting_ _, you are just being polite to each other._

The game goes well, although he hadn't had the time to rest at home, he always feels good going to the stadium. He and Marc text some times, with score predictions, memories from some Champions League matches, even a teasing message from Marc when Malcom scored the Barcelona goal and a “I told you you should count with the win before the referee end the game ;)” when he had time to look at his cellphone after the game ended. 

Still in Milan he knew Marc was there too and he thinks about invite him to his hotel room, thankfully his brain corrects him before he picks the phone and dial the number, because how he would explain that he and Marc met when the Spaniard is supposed to be there only for the EICIMA? And more, what would he tell him? It’s not like they can talk normally or even not talk, just kiss and have sex the whole night, it’s not like before. 

And now he is again sat in the press conference room, not happy at all that the days passed quickly because he wanted to rest more but still train a little more, he is not that young anymore and after three races in a row and some emotional things, he needs more time to compose himself.

Of course they put he and Marc sit beside each other again. He is sure they won’t stop trying to take something off the two during these stupid shows. What do they want during a press conference? He do miss the time when it was only for them to share things about the race and not they stupid personal life. He even misses those times when the press conference was used to fight with Jorge, at least he had some fun back then. 

Nowadays he only feels the tension in the air. And it’s not his nor Marc’s fault, it’s the situation’s...

 

Valentino enters his motorhome laughing. It is not even embarrassing anymore. He has the speech ready, it is getting easy for him to say that the things don’t work, that he has no feeling on the bike and the jokes come out naturally because inside him he is laughing at the situation.

It is the last race – qualifying – of the season and no, he can’t finish a shit season in the right way, because nothing was right about this season. He started well, it’s true, but when didn’t he? Qatar is always great and he knows it is not a measure for the rest of the year. And then, well, he doesn’t like to remember what happened in Argentina because it’s another painful episode that he doesn’t have the time or the mental health to remember about Marc.

Yeah, Marc who had to crash and dislocate his shoulder again. One of the worst things was that the international transmission had to show him after the crash, because why not? He already has too much to worry about, he is not taking part in the qualifying and he always have a heart attack when Marc crashes, it is already a bad day and his face is not his best...

But the rain... Valentino never loved the rain so much like today. Since he woke up the memory from his first MotoGP win in Donington and that remarkable race there in 2005 kept playing inside his head. He may not be so confident, but the smell and noise of the rain make him feel good. 

Being in back of the grid is not his natural habitat. He’s been there before but still, and the people around him make more difficult to concentrate. He does his best, he talks to her, asks her to be good today and then they are already feeling the adrenaline of the racing start.

Many riders in front of him and he doesn’t have the time to close his eyes, he is already overtaking them, feeling a renew energy, the energy that only the racing brings to him, finally he his young again. The raindrops fall and he sees many riders falling too, he tries to focus completely on his own bike and own lines and he sees it. Marc fell, again.  _Fuck, his shoulder._  But it is a thing that he can’t thing about right now, not here.  _Just focus, Valentino_.

The time pass fast, too fast, when he sees he is already chasing Dovi and Rins, and then he overtakes Rins, the rain is getting heavier and heavier when the show the red flag.  _If only..._

And the times starts to slow down... he doesn’t know if he wants to go out there again, he was feeling so good before the red flag and simply doesn’t know. It took them too long to make a decision and when they restarted the race, the time was slow, too slow for his taste. One lap. Two laps. Three laps. Four laps... he is not counting anymore... more rain... and the floor. Again. 

Valentino enters his motorhome laughing. It is not even embarrassing anymore. He has the speech ready, it is getting easy for him to say that the important thing is to fight for the victory. And maybe it is, maybe he is getting old that what he says is really the truth, that he is not telling those things to the press to make the fans a little happier after he made a mistake. 

And he laughs about the irony of his life. Even though he started talking to Marc again and even show the public that they are not in bad terms anymore, they never talked properly, just banal text messages and stupid talking during the flight. It is not who his is, he was always directly, always showed what he is really feeling for the people he cares about.  _Yeah, maybe I’m old that I’m changing, for worst_. And he finished third in the championship, which means that he has to go to the Awards and stand in the front of everyone next to him, because Marc is the fucking champion.

He takes a deep breath,  _it is not going to be that bad_. Of course, if it was last year, they probably would watch the whole ceremony, concede some interviews, drink with their friends and team, exchange some glances and at the end of the night they would go out together without no one knowing. Actually, that’s exactly what they did in 2014, and a more conservative getaway in 2016, which was no less fun. Those years were the best Awards since 2008, when he figured out that those ‘parties’ can be actually a party.

But this year he doesn’t know.  _It is going to be a long night_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The season may be over, but we soon start 2019, yey!


	7. Awards 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler: they do the talk.

He is late. Again.

It’s a thing in his life, he is always late. He was late in his first day of school, his first test in MotoGP, his mom’s wedding, Luca’s baptism, every meeting with friends, his first proper date with Marco, he doesn’t remember but he probably was late for his first gala too. 

Nowadays he doesn’t even blush when he arrives, he just acts normal, like if he is not the last one to arrive. But it’s ok, it’s better because in the moment he sat the Gala started and he doesn’t have to wait and die of boredom.

For the first time he has the opportunity to share the event with his Academy boys, a thing that gladly distract him while he expects his turn to receive the bronze medal, one of the best not first place he ever got in his career.

And when the video plays and the presenter say his name, he is happy. Grateful, actually, because he has the chance to do it again, after he thought it was over. And by the time he gets his medal and Marc appears in the stage, he doesn’t know if he is thinking about his career or  _him_..,

Valentino smiles because he is truly happy, he knows he doesn’t have the right, but he is proud, proud that Marc is the champion again and has put his name alongside him with five or more titles. Vale does not want another rider to do it. But right now, he is not on a position where he can taste a little of Marc’s conquer because he is not one of the reasons anymore. 

The party goes well. He has the opportunity to celebrate the good season that his boys made, a celebration of his own work paying off and showing results. He is proud of them and as they are much younger than him, actually, he can count the people there who are older than him, he decides to return to the hotel a little early than usual, his party skills can be saved for another time in another place.

He is already cold before leaving the building, even the blazer and the arms crossed he doesn’t get comfortable before arrive to the car that is waiting for him. But in the moment he is stepping in, he sees a not very common scene. Marc is sitting in a place far from the building, his head against the wall and eyes closed, clearly concentrating on his own breathing. If Valentino didn’t know him so well, he could leave it behind, it is an episode that he himself has done, but it is not usual to Marc to do this, usually he takes easy on drinks to take care of his body and form. He always says that his mother told him once that alcohol made the riders slower, and doesn’t want to risk.

His overprotective side took over and he asked the driver to wait.  _I probably shouldn’t do this_. But it is too late now to turn away.  “Hey Marc” he touches his arm, it is too much, he needs to make sure that the boy is ok. “It is everything ok?”

The answer was not what he expected. Still with his eyes closer and his head against the wall, he knew Marc knew very well who was talking to him. “No” his voice is weak and gives away that he is more than drunk. “Go away.”

_You will make it very difficult, won’t you?_ “Come on, Marc, I will take you to your hotel room.” A stupid idea, he knows, but apparently his parents are no longer there and someone needs to make sure that the world champion doesn’t make a fiasco or get lost in the streets of Valencia, these are not things that no one would like to happen. 

“I don’t need to, leave me alone” he complains, of course, but either way he completely ignores and put Marc’s arms around his shoulders, the Spaniard easy to shape, but he is clumsy and can’t walk straight, making Valentino’s task more difficult. It is his sense of ‘I need to take care of Marc’ that takes them to car, putting him inside and not needing to explain to the driver what is happening.

Marc sleeps the whole drive, or he thinks he has, at least he has his eyes closed. “We are already in the hotel, what’s your room?” He manages to take Marc out of the car, still the same way as before, he doesn’t know why, but he gets a quick response, almost as if Marc wanted to get to his room soon, very different from what he has said before, but of course, if he let him be brought to the hotel without any complaint – without any words – it is because he did not want to be  _completely alone._  “It’s 72”

They arrive there and ok, he puts Marc on the bed and what do now? He knows he has to leave, the Spaniard is already safe, but still he can’t stop looking at him lying there, his eyes close probably because of the light that gives headache, and he just stays there. He doesn’t know for how long, maybe a few seconds or a few minutes but when he turns out the light, he hears something.

“You... can... can you, maybe... stay?” it is a whisper, but he hears clearly Marc asking him to stay, and he can’t deny, can he? No, he can’t. His brain doesn’t work when it comes to Marc, he is a completely different person.

He doesn’t sleep, he can’t sleep. His mind goes through all the reasons that may have led Marc to be in this state: from he has won many titles and wanted to try a new way to celebrate to what happened during the season, and it is 100% his fault.

Eventually Marc moves and wake up, looking confused, and god, so cute, just like... no, he can’t remember those days. “What? Oh my god, what did I do?”  _It is so good to be young and not feel the handover first_.

Valentino decides to tell him the true, he will remember eventually. “You got drunk then I found you and brought you here, so you asked me to stay and I did”

Marc stays confused, but get up to look at Valentino in the eyes, like he was expecting this moment to happen. “About that... we... we need to talk.”

_Yeah, we do_. It is the topic he was fearing the most. The did talk, but it was just silly things not what they really needed to talk about. “We do.”  _And how we do that, uh?_ Valentino releases the breath he was holding, knowing that he might run out of air while expecting Marc to initiate  _the_ conversation.

Marc face is transparent, showing all his feelings and sadness, it’s one of the things that Valentino loves the most about him, he is completely sincere. “Why you did those things?”

It is an open question and he knows exactly what those things are and he has only one answer, that he knows it is not enough. “Because I was scared.”

He is sure of what comes next, it is like a déjà vu, they were there before, they already discuss this issue and he knows Marc so well to know that he will let off everything that is inside of him right now. “You didn’t think about me? About my feelings? You never do, sometimes I wonder if you ever loved me, because I try everything, I try to make things right, but you keep putting me aside, putting me down, the silence kills me, I can’t stand it anymore, but there are times it seems that you want to try too, I can’t copy your signals anymore, I don’t know if you want me anymore, or if you only want a rival to fight with”

Valentino listens to everything, looking straight to his eyes, understanding every single word, and understanding that what he caused was the opposite of what he was trying to do, it hit Marc completely different from what he meant. “I was trying not to hurt you. That’s why. What I said in Argentina hunts me every day, only if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t say those things, and after that I was scared that if I tried to talk to you I would hurt you even more. I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore, because it wasn’t the first time, I made the same mistake twice.”

His voice became almost a whisper, the word refusing to past through his tight throat, and Marc is eager to talk more. “You don’t trust me, do you?”

_And I know where we heading to._  “Of course I do.”

“So let me in. Don’t close yourself when we fight, don’t deny it to me. Let me try, I don’t care if we are not good to the press, I don’t care if Uccio says bad things about me, I only care about what you think and if you act like you did... it hurts me, it hurts more than a crash, because I still love you and I don’t know if you love me too, it is becoming unbearable”

After that he starts crying, and Valentino knows he has only one action to make him stop, he comes up and grabs his cheeks between his hands, feeling the tears passing through them. It is an intimate moment, a new think, they’ve never been there before, Marc had never cried because of their relationship, they were always both strong, but the last event shook everything they had built.

And he kisses him, softly, reassuring, a kiss that means everything, means I’m sorry and I still love you, even more than before. When he breaks the contact of their lips, he says it. “I love you too”

_And what we do now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this chapter, it was really difficult to write, so I really hope you liked.


	8. That's what friends are for

His house never felt so big. 

The end of the year was always the same, the boys from Academy who come around during the whole year are with their family, usually Luca is the only one who stays because of the obvious reason that Valentino is part of Luca's family.

But this year he is not there with him, the pause from the training is a good opportunity to him to go Spain and spend some time with Alex. The last time they spoke, yesterday, if he is not mistaken, they were at his house in Ibiza, a great place to hide from the rest of the world and just be with the one he loves. Valentino himself did it a zillion times, it’s probably the reason why he bought the house in the first place, he didn’t like to be bothered. 

Today, although, he would really appreciate someone's company, one specific name passing through his mind, but he had to be content with Rossano company, the cat gladly laying on his foot, a miracle, actually, as he likes more the outside of the house then the inside.

It’s about one hour later when he hears footsteps, maybe is Clara asking him for advice with her new boyfriend, but it’s not. He knows only one person that knows he doesn't like to be alone in the end of the year. 

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” he asks as Mattia makes himself comfortable on the couch.

“Are you ok?”

Mattia has always been there for him. He doesn't remember very well the first time they meet. He remembers one night, a party in a beach not far from Marco's house, it’s the end of the summer in 2007, few people knew about their relationship.  He remembers how he treat him like someone equal, not bother about who he was, Mattia only cared about the fact that he was his best friend’s boyfriend and the fact that they were all riders only showing off when they were training and racing. Almost like a normal life.

“I don’t know” he really doesn't. It always amazes him how Mattia knows him so well.

“You two talked, didn't you?”

Valentino takes a deep breath. “We did.”

“And?”

“I don’t know.” 

Before that race in Aragon five years ago, when he had the guts to make a move after all the flirting during the season, was Mattia the one who encourage him to just ‘go for it’ and don’t be afraid of being happy again. He truly knows how much Marc makes him happy, how Marc is the one who made him love again, after he lost the one he thought he was going to spend his whole life with.

“Look, Vale, you can’t go one like this. You know, we can’t control what happen with our lives, you know that, but is visible that you need him, give yourself a chance, if you can’t fix your bike, you surely can fix your heart”

_Only if it was that easy..._ “I don’t know, Mattia, I can’t just show up in his door and tell him that we can be the same as we were before” I wish...

“Who told you you can’t? Of course you can, Vale, Marc loves you, it is visible for everyone who knows your story. You pushed it away during the season, but now it’s over... when did you talk?”

Of course Mattia would, but he knows it is not to judge, it is to understand and find a solution. He always does that. Although it is the first time he does for him and Marc, but he did once with Marco.

Valentino remembered it very well. It was 2010, after a poor race for both of them and they couldn’t hold the tension, much because of Valentino’s teammate was better than him and Marco was frustrated that he could not exceed the expectations as a rookie, already tired of being called ‘The new Rossi’. So that night after the race, they fight and Marco left, going home in Italy alone. 

Stubborn as they both were, much more alike than they liked to admit, they refused to talk for a couple of weeks, training together and going home alone, not even looking at each other, neither of them wanting to give in and admit that they both were wrong.

And it’s where Mattia comes in. Being friends with both, he clearly remembers him calling him to dinner at his house, of course, accepting without problems, because the problem was that he was fight with Marc and not his friends. Ok, he went there, but Mattia had set it up for them, when he arrived, only Marco was there and Mattia appeared just saying “now you make up, because I can’t stand anymore and you are both stupid, you deserve each other”.

“The day after the gala” Valentino breaths out as if ashamed, because really, he knows what will come next.

“You had two tests and not talked?” He can feel Mattia getting angry with him, just like that day in 2010, and he also know that he won’t get away of this conversation so soon, how he wished Mattia just talk about anything else, but no...

“We texted sometimes”

“You know it’s not enough” so he picks Valentine’s phone from the table and gives to him. “Come on, ask him about his shoulder, I know you are dying for.”

Valentino opens the app, ignoring the teasing messages he knows are at the Academy group, especially after that race at Ranch, and goes to Marc's name. When he is ready to tap the first word, Mattia stops him. “No, you are going to call him.” 

Vale goes with his ‘I’m going to kill you’ look, but receives another speech. “You know he is already at the hospital, if you want to make things right this time, act like you care.”

“You know I care.”  _Of course I do..._

“I know, but maybe he is thinking that you only broke his heart again, go on.”

He hesitate for some seconds, enough time to Luca open the door. Valentino stops and look at his brother, getting a disapproval glance from Mattia. “Why are you home already?”

Luca puts his bags down and answers like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Alex wanted to go to Barcelona to be with Marc.”

_Of course, because I’m not there..._

“Luca, put some coherent thoughts in your brother's brain and tell him to call Marc right now and not waste more time” And there Mattia goes, straight to his soft spot: Luca.

“Sure, because it was going to be much better for me to spend my holiday with my boyfriend if he didn’t have to take care of his brother who used to be your boyfriend. It would make everyone's life easier, but you are the only one who can decide what to do with your life.” With that he goes upstairs, leaving the two alone again.

“I told you.”

“Ok, I’m going to call him.” 

“You know, he is not Marco, he shows how much he cares and all his feelings, the people who knows the true about you two could feel how sad he was this year. You can’t ignore him like you did with Marco because he won’t pay you back in the same way. He loves you and I know you love him too, don’t be so stubborn.”

Saying what seems the last thing he has to say the other Italian heads to the door, he knows his friend is getting tired, actually, everybody is getting tired, especially Marc, and that’s why he has to act very soon, he already had to have act... 

“Mattia” He looks over his shoulder, already at the door to leave.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you”

“I know”

And suddenly he was alone again. He could hear the shower running upstairs, Luca probably tired because of his own surgery and the trip. He looks at his phone, ready to call the number he doesn’t even need to have saved because he knows by heart. 

He does it. And he waits. Five seconds. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty-five. Thirty. Fourty. The call will end.  _Maybe Marc doesn’t want to talk to me..._

“Hi Vale, sorry it took so long to answer” _Sorry it took so long to call..._  “But my mom was still in the room”  _She probably hates me and I don’t blame her at all..._

“How are you?” He decides to go with the cliché thing, not wanting to sound so scared like he really is, because he already has an idea of what propose, a thing that they used to do in the past, when they were still discovering things of one another. 

“The shoulder hurts like hell" Valentino can feel the change in his voice, like if Marc was trying to move but something prevented him to do it.

“Well, tomorrow they will fix it and you will be brand new to beat us all”

“I wish, but I won’t go down without a fight” His voice is now more excited, a good thing, considering everything.

“You won’t.” Valentino laughs and stops for a second. This is it. “I was thinking that maybe after the holidays we could go to that house in the mountains, you will be in the middle of your recovery, it’s the most difficult part, so we can train together”

He waits and his heart beats faster with the time passing. “Are you serious? You want to help me with my recovery?”

Well, he expected Marc to be surprised, but not that much, why would he think he wouldn’t want to help? “I can’t really be with you now or before the end of the year, so I need to make it, right?”  _Right_?

“I would love it, Vale, will you prepare everything?”

“Of course” And Valentino truly smiles for the first time today.

“I need to turn off now, my mom will come back soon” He can feel the disappointment in Marc’s voice, but it’s probably a thing that is in his mind.

“Ok, keep me update.”

“I will.” 

With that the line goes dead and he lets out his breath, relieved. It was about time, I only hope I won’t screw it up again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we don't have action on track till February, I promise we will have happier times now, even with some flashbacks, until the next season begin. As we don't know what will happen, we will stick with good things haha


	9. When the years end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, folks!
> 
> I would like to post this chapter sooner, but I ended up working during holidays :/

Christmas. One of his favorite time of the year, excluded his birthday.

 

Christmas became special to him after his brother and sister were born. He loved it when he was a child, don’t get him wrong, the first time he got a bike as a gift was in Christmas, it was the best day of his life, but back then his parents were still together. And when they divorced, every holiday became a hell for him, he always stayed with his mom, but his grandmother always asked him to be with them, because he needed to stay more with his father, besides the time when he was racing - which was a lot. And he never could feel the true spirit of Christmas.

When Luca and Clara were born, the story changed. He was already World Champion and could take care of himself, well, not take care take care, but he could decide what to do by himself. After some years he even managed to gather everyone. And it was the best Christmas ever.

2008, really, was the best year of his life. He and Marco have been together for a little more than one year and both convinced their family that they should spend the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together.

A big table with more plates than he can count, enough food to feed the entire city and noise. Much noise. Exactly how Marco loved. Everyone talking and eating the whole night. But the most important people in his life where there: his mom, his dad, Luca, Clara, his grandparents and, of course, Marco. He thought he was ready to die, because everything was in its place. His family, the man he loves, and above all those things, he was the world champion again. He had retain the title after two years, the second in history to do so, and Marco was world champion too, the first of many, he had thought. It was the best Christmas of his life.

And it became a tradition, every year they changed the venue, each year in the house of one, but it was no problem, they lived near each other.

The last one was in 2010.

 

In 2011 he didn’t feel like celebrating. His favorite holiday no longer making sense. His life wasn’t making sense anymore… two months ago they had many plans, he had many plans for their future… and now… everything he wants his get back in his bike again. Ironically the only thing that makes him feel a little less empty.

 

From the next year to now the past returned: he with his family, some friends, while he let himself be happy again.

 

This year wasn’t different: he left the shopping for the last day, because he always do, he spent the time with the ones he love, but the meeting with Marc couldn’t get out of his head, he was anticipating, anxious about what to do or say.

Marc… after they started dating, in the end of 2013, they never got the chance to spend Christmas together, actually he never brought the topic, he knows his family has their own traditions and honestly, Spain is a little far for a comfort ride in the end of the year.

 

New Year, however, is a different history.

For the last days of the year he has his own tradition: he goes skiing.

 

“You know it’s my favorite thing to do in the winter”

As now he is sit in one of the comfy chairs outside the hostel, it brings all the memories he made there. He must be getting really old. He remembers the first time he took Marco there and how his face lightened every time they went there, with anything they did, even if it was for the nth time, even if they did the same thing last year or the year before…

“And we can do it for the rest of our lifes…”

And the end of the year was the time when they could spend a quality time alone, where they didn’t have to hide and where they weren’t riders, they were just normal people having fun. And even if he loves his fans and the messy life that MotoGP brings, those times were precious.

 

He got this happiness again when Marc accepted to go there with him. It was just after they put a name in their relationship and even if some of his friends didn't approve, they had to accept.

“You and your thing for young riders, you will never learn, won't you? It will only brings you pain, after all that happened”

He still remembers the words from Uccio after he told them that Marc will spend the New Year with them. Maybe he was right, he indeed got hurt, but above all those things, he hurt Marc… and still he is there, in the same place wondering if he will be able to trust himself again… and back then, he gave the answer he should have gave months ago again… “I'm finally founding the joy of sharing my life with another person, you can't take care of everything in my life, I know what I'm doing.”

 

The other year, however, he was not quite sure if Marc was happy there, that’s because in his head there was this voice that always said that he would not stay for long, because he is still young and has so much to discover in the world.

And the younger face was not calming his heart.

“There is something bothering you? We can go somewhere else if you want to.”

“No, it’s not that. I’m just thinking, I like being here, with you, it’s different from what I’m used to do in New Year. Me and Alex basically only ride bikes the whole holiday. It is good to do something like this. I only have to thank you.”

He didn’t deserve this guy…

 

He doesn’t deserve Marc.

And now, he thinks, all his fears became reality because of him, because he kept thinking that he could lose Marc and in fact he did. He lost him twice, he managed to do that twice. He deserves a congratulation for achieve this other mark in his career, another record. But the boy is also one that breaks records. And he has forgiven him every time.

Marc knows what love means.

He doesn’t deserve him.

 

     _Happy New Year, Marc. Can’t wait for us to meet again._

_Happy New Year, Vale. Can we ride bikes?_


	10. The death never felt so close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter talks about death. If you are triggered, feel free to skip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking about this chapter since the beginning of the story. And now seems a good time to post it.

Some days are dark. Others you just remember with affection the ones who left too soon. And Valentino thinks there were many in his life: not in numbers, but in importance. He cared too much about them. He lost one of his best friends and the love of his life. 

One of the days he thinks about them and about what happened is when Marc is stupid and doesn’t care and just push until he crashes. It’s simple. It is because he can’t lose him too and only the idea of it hurts him more than he can stand.

 

The first time he saw someone die on track wasn’t really the moment of the death and he didn’t see it. It was another normal day in his dominant career: he was the world champion with the best bike and a very young team mate, a rookie, he remembers very well the young Nicky. So he was first when the crash happened. And the race continued. And he won. Ans 12 days later Daijiro Kato died.

He only remembers that he asked for them to ban Suzuka from the calendar and he didn’t want to come back there again. It was their fault, the tracks were supposed to be safer now and not kill a young talent.

 

It was the closest he felt to the dead. Until...

  
  


  
It is Wednesday when they arrive in Malaysia, had spent the previous days celebrating Marco’s podium, just the two of them. Vale was delusional about his career, he already won what he had to win and made a very poor choice of moving to Ducati, his shoulder injury is still hunting him and he is seriously thinking about retirement. 

Yamaha had offered his seat back when his deal with Ducati finish and he was sure if Honda let Marco go like they are threatening, his beloved team will accept his successor. 

And that’s what he is trying to tell him, but he only receives a big “are you crazy? Did you lost your mind? You can’t retire, especially not for get me a seat, I can take care of myself, you don’t need to worry about it, you only worry about get better to fight with me, come on, it’s good to beat you but is even better if fight back, who am I going to be soft with?”

And everything he can do is laugh. “You can be soft with me in other things”. So he kisses him and they fall on the bed of their shared hotel room.   
  
“How is the feeling with bike today?” It’s Friday night. Night, the time of the day he likes the most because he doesn't have to think about the bike and the mistake he made at the end of last year. It’s the time of the day he can spend with his boyfriend and not think about racing.

But apparently Marco has other plans for tonight. 

“Really? Why ask if you already know the answer?” Valentino becomes defensive and crosses his arm, an attempt to make him realize that it’s not what he wants to talk about.

“Don't play with me” he really realized.

“I am not. Let's just talk about you, if you want so bad to play the boring one in our relationship” 

Marco turns his eyes,  _ boring _ ... “Come on, you are like 100% addicted to this thing. You can’t deny it and can’t retire either.”

“We won’t discuss this topic right now “

“Fine. But...” Marco makes the puppy face that Valentino can’t resist, and of course he is doing it on purpose because he wants help with the bike. They’ve been there before “Just help me, you won here last year and you owe me one”

“I owe you? Why?”

“You overtook like ten riders but only one went easy on you and let you pass”

“You let me pass? Please, just be convinced that I was faster”

 

It’s the only conversation he can remember from that weekend. Even now everything is a blur, almost like it didn’t happen. But he knows it did because the pain he felt - and sometimes still feels - was too real not to be reality. And he wasn’t there anymore. 

The last time they touched and told each other ‘I love you’ was minutes before the Moto2 race because fuck not being on the same team. 

And of course after the start Marco was in front of him, he was always there. And there was Bautista, and Colin, his former teammate who he admires, and he can’t see Stoner, because it’s obvious. He will never see him again while fighting on track,  _ go to hell Jerez, I don’t want to remember it anymore. _

And there was the corner. And there was the touch. At first he didn’t know what had happened, it was too fast he couldn’t see. But he could feel. And he felt his bike touching his helmet. He felt it all. And his fucking bike was the last thing Marco felt, probably, there is no way for him to know. 

And he knew he was dead. Because he could feel it. He never felt so empty, so sad, in his 32 years. He was completely lost.

He doesn’t know how he arrived to the box, and he didn’t react at all when they confirmed, because he already knew. There wasn’t hope for him, for the others maybe, that the doctors could do something, but they were so connected that he just knew that this part of him had gone.

The rest of the year did not exist. Even if he wasn’t scared of riding again, it was the other way around, the only thing that makes him a little better is the bike. And from the moment he jumped on her in Valencia he knew he couldn’t retire anymore. There was no reason to stop racing right now.

And that’s the day he died.

 

But he knew Marco too well. And he knew that he didn’t want to see him sad forever. So he tried his best. And he resurrected when met Marc, well, when proper met Marc.

 

His life wasn’t perfect. Not anymore. So he fought with Marc, and they got back together. But this wasn’t going to last, no, because the universe was playing with him.

 

Someone called him. He can’t remember who, he never listened to the voice, he only listened the word. And it couldn’t be. 

He always had a great report with Nicky, they were friends. He was Nicky’s first team mate, taught him a couple of things. Nicky was the one cheered him up after 2006, and took the title, they always played about it. Nicky was the one with him in the dark Ducati seasons, he was the one who looked at him in the other side of the garage when Marco died. And now he was fighting for his life.

Five days later he died.

And Valentino felt that empty again. But this time he didn’t cry. He felt just… empty. He lost one of his best friends… dead was hunting him.

Sometimes he wondered if he is in the list to be the next, especially when he fucks everything up, like… like the thing he doesn’t want to remember… but then the universe would be too good. Other times he thought if they would take Marc away, but then he realised that the boy was dribbling the death on track, on his own. Now he knows that it’s one of the last ways he can lose him.

 

Because the death took more than it should. And he doesn’t know if he can take another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we can come back to the present and see what will happen with Valentino and Marc.


	11. As we prepare for what is coming

“You can’t ride, Marc”

Valentino knew that taking Marc to a place where there are a track and bikes wasn’t going to be easy. He knows by heart the feeling of not being able to ride but wanting it so bad, he already spent many winters injured - and not only winters. But right here and right now he needs to be the responsible one and letting Marc on a bike with his shoulder still injured is, at least, careless, and he do care more than he is willing to admit for Marc being 100% for the season. He kind needs the boy winning if it’s not himself on the top of the podium.

The place is the same they went back in the years to simply hide from the word: a small house with a motocross track in the back, borrowed from a friend that lives in France. It has always been their place and he hadn’t take Marc there since 2015. Because yes, some months after what happened they made up, but it was never the same: they spent less days together and the flame never got higher again. Until last year, when they put out the flame and he thought it was for good. Because he knows that after 2015 they would never be the same again and those months together after it were just because they didn’t know how to live without each other.

And they still don’t.

He is pretty sure it is love, but how could it be? Love hurts this much? He thinks so, but it can be just with him. There is no other explanation for his to text Marc that day, for Marc to try to make peace, for them to talk by message as nothing had happened and then to completely ignore each other when they saw each other, for him to touch Marc and apologise in Sepang, for him to call Marc for them to meet here. For Marc to accept.

It is all because they can’t live without the other, they are the same but at the same time one complete the other.

But they can’t fix what is broken.

  
  


“What you told to your physiotherapist?” He asks while serving dinner, a meaningless gesture that actually means a lot.

“I told him I was going to spend some time alone with my secret girlfriend.” He jokes and Vale gets how happy the boy is to be there with him, just chilling and making some exercises for the shoulder, with the Italian gladly accepting doing it. And they didn’t talk, never mentioned anything, not wanting to break the comfort they put themselves. The bubble now is perfect.

“Marc…”

“Ok, I told him I needed some time for myself, before going to Sepang, and that’s why he passed me the exercises”  _ Those that you are helping me with _ , Valentino hears the word through the big smile on Marc’s face.

And he is happy to only see Marc happy. Because it was always the Spaniard who never give up, that always pushes him, in and out track. He owns him more than his life.

  
  


“I liked what you said about me”

They are lying on the couch, watching a movie that Valentino doesn't even know the name, but Marc loves, and he decided that these couple of days that they are spending together will be all about what Marc wants. And he wants to make the Spaniard feel better, he owns him at least it.

So Marc pauses the movie, apparently he wasn’t paying attention to it, but Vale knows that the boy can’t stand still for more than ten minutes. He is used to it, and it’s one of the things he loves the most.

“What did I say about you?”

He tries to remember every interview he gave and every text they shared, but nothing in special came to his mind. Well, nothing that could have had an impact on him.

“That is impressive what I do. That I have no fear.” he hesitates for some seconds, a thing that makes Valentino look deeper in his eyes, trying to take everything, every meaning from the words. “That you study what I do.” His shy and light smile is the most sincere he’s seen the whole time they are together in the house. He never thought that a simple word about him would mean, he is trying to make things lighter in the press, less confront and more respect.

And Marc continues. “You know, I was badly injured before that I thought I would never be on a bike again, but this time is different. I crash more than I should, more that I would like, and I can’t stop thinking that it caused my own injury. But I can’t stop crashing, it’s a part of my routine. I wish I could, I don’t want to fuck everything up. I want to be strong as you.”

_ Strong as me. He is crazy. _ “You are, Marc. I mean what I said. You have a special power that you can crash and make pole in less than 15 minutes. And you are strong, stronger than you think you are. And you are much stronger than me.”  _ Definitely, you say and do things that I would never do. And I’m not talking about the race _ . But he has no guts in saying these last sentences out loud. He hopes that Marc will get it, because he is better than him. Much better.

 

The last day passes quicker than both of them would like, just enjoying each other company, making some physiotherapy exercise in Marc and some gym workout for Vale. And Valentino wants it to last forever. 

“Will we see each other in Sepang?” Marc asks before leaving the car they rented to go to the airport. 

“Of course, we will be testing there.” And Valentino doesn’t want to create expectation.

“No, I mean, if we will do what we did here. No one needs to now.”

 

He is almost sure that they can’t fix it. But having Marc with him, for now, is enough. No name in their relationship, not boyfriends, not friends, not colleagues of work. It’s just them: Vale and Marc. And he doesn’t want to mess up what they are starting building again. For now, it’s enough. 

Because the test is almost here and he has no clue of what will happen once the season start again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of struggling with this so any criticism is welcome.


	12. Sepang Test 2019

Team presentation is something Valentino always enjoy. The excitement of showing his next baby to the world is a feeling that he can’t put into words. He’s done it more times than he can remember, but he still feels like it is the first time.

He can sense the tension in his teammate and he doesn’t blame him. The perspective of another shit season is higher than proper solve the problem and he knows that if the young Valentino saw a situation like this one, he would probably had ran away. Now it’s different, he doesn’t feel the need for change anymore, he is comfortable in the team, and working hard with family makes it a little easier. But it is not easy and he knows.

He is almost 40, he can’t race as a rookie but he surely can enjoy the new bike as one. 

And the perspective of seeing Marc very soon makes the butterflies in his stomach to wake up in a way only Marc makes it.

  
  


Arriving in Sepang is always a difficult task.

And he does it more than he liked.

He knows everything can happen in this place and the test that his life depends on is not a thing that he wanted to do in Sepang. But surprising he felt at ease on the bike, the communication with her and the engineers improved a lot since last year. He was suffering with the warm weather, even if he likes the track, the temperature is a thing that he never enjoyed. He can’t rest enough, can’t sleep and each year that pass his body complains when his brain demands to push in every corner.

Even the jokes about his age are getting more serious. His 40th birthday is very close now and it come in his mind every time he is discussing a new set up with his team. The good feeling with bike a relive, but something else is bothering him. Not very far of his and Maverick’s box, there’s Marc. 

 

If it wasn’t for his almost 30 years of experience in focusing on his own shit, he would probably go crazy with worry. He never saw Marc so little on track. Even when he is dying with pain he always pushes to the limit.

The first day ok, he had the best pace and also set the fastest lap.  _ Everything is ok with his shoulder.  _ Was what Valentino thought before fall asleep. The not spoken deal they made of not disturb the other during the three days of testing was driving his crazy, he wanted as hell to just call Marc or even go to his room to just ask how he is feeling and do something to ease the pain and the shit sensation that is not be able to do what your mind asks because of the body is fucked up.

The second day though his own feelings on the bike were improving, Marc called it a day in the middle of the session. As bad news always travel fast to his ears, someone was saying that Marc has an inflammation on the shoulder. Just great.

Once again he was dying to know for sure what was the real problem. In this world no other rider can have sure what is happening, as far as he knows Marc can be taking it easy just because.

In the last day he was tired. But he couldn’t complain that much as the work was better than he expected. 

 

What he didn’t expected was to find himself at the door of Marc’s hotel room that night. It has been always the other way, but as he is trying to rebuild their relationship, show that he truly cares is the best thing he can do now.

Marc opens the door after the first knock, almost like if he was expecting it, maybe he was. 

“Come in”. He has a voice of someone who just woke up, and Valentino can’t help but think he is even more gorgeous like this. 

When already inside the room, he didn’t find it difficult to get to the place where a couch is, the room is exactly like his and he already knows by heart this building. Maybe he’s been there more times than in his own house… maybe he exaggerates a little, but the place ask for a drama that he can’t deny to it.

Marc laid down again and didn’t even bother to invite Valentino too, it was too explicit in his face. So he takes a spot next to a pillow, not touching Marc but close enough to not exceed the boundary he put on himself since the day they kissed. They are not there yet, maybe they will never be again, but it is ok for now.

“Never expect you to come here tonight, I thought you were too busy discussing how to improve your bike and yelling at the engineers”. He know Marc is teasing, he is known for doing this with him and he doesn’t mind at all.

“No, save it for later, it is better to fight through the phone, I don’t want to kill an Yamaha employee.” Thankfully both laugh and the light mood was always a good sign, but he had to make sure Marc is ok.

“As long as I am not affected, it is fine for me.” Marc raises his arm as he means no harm.

“Don’t worry, I will never tell a secret from Yamaha to you.”

Another laugh is followed by a comfort silence, where they just look at each other as to read the other’s mind and soul. He is the one to break the silence, to ask him “How are you feeling with the shoulder?” And before Marc can open his mouth to respond. “And please be sincere.”

Marc hesitates a little before speaking, he even opens his mouth once, not sure what to say. And Valentino knows why. He’s told many times and many people that he is ‘ok but not 100% fit’ that he started to believe that it is the true. And he knows it is not. It is not easy to recover from something he thought wasn’t going to be this difficult. And it not only the shoulder he is thinking about.

“It still hurts like hell”. The Spaniard has a sad face, almost like he is not ready to completely admit he is not ready to push on track. And it hurts more than the physical pain, Valentino understands, so he hugs the younger boy and just let him fall asleep.

He understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me again! How are you doing now the 2019 pre season started?
> 
> I want to say that I loved the Yamaha colors (it suits Valentino)
> 
> But I'm also worried about Marc, even if I now he is going to be 100% for the season, it is scary because he crashes a lot :( 
> 
> Anyway, hope you all liked this chapter xx


	13. Qatar Test 2019

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc is fed up with the bullshits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, how are you?
> 
> I still can't believe that the season is about to start, I'm not ready...

Having Marc in his hotel room door is a thing that he hoped after the test. They both realized that trying to see each other during the days of test would affect their concentration, as it was the last pre season test and the most important one. Now he knows that Marc’s shoulder is much better, he has improved a lot in the last week and Valentino is proud of the self control the boy got to arrive in this point.

But of course he had to crash. Twice. “I need to test my shoulder too” was the subject of one text that was sent to his phone. It drove him crazy. They’ve been talking through text and sometimes even making calls. Like this morning before they left for the track, when he managed to stop Uccio from going to his room, because really, he is a grown up man who doesn’t need his best friend to help him.

Valentino’s own feelings about his bike wasn’t helping him. He was already tired of being asked about his 40th birthday and about how he feels now, like if it is a big deal. It shouldn’t be. He is exactly the same he was when he had 39. And maybe it’s not even a good thing. This M1 seems to be more bipolar than the previous one and the roller coaster only makes him feel dizzy, almost like if he is in a real one. His teammate being constant and the fastest wasn’t helping as much as he wished, he can’t use his settings and he feels like the team is giving him the best machine. 

 

But looking at the boy in his door makes his world stop. He doesn’t seem the same that fall asleep besides him the last night in Sepang, the one that was repressing his feelings to not show weakness, but Valentino managed to break the wall and let his true spirit do the talking and just cuddle next to him and try to make him feel better. It’s a good thing now. Marc always surprises him, like tonight. Deep down he knows that he can’t rebuild their thing without spending time together off track, like they used to. Still he preserves a little hope, maybe they can... But those talking in the weekends at the end of last season seem far away. Those days they spent together in France now are not enough. And apparently Marc thinks the same way.

“Sorry to show up without warning” Marc’s face is something that Valentino is always glad to be able to see. And he doesn’t wait a second to answer and give room for him to enter. “You don’t have to apologise, come in”

The talking is the most pleasant one, for both of them, because talking about their feeling on the bike and what they expect for the next test is the best thing they can do, giving that can’t do other things that they would do if it was sometime ago.

 

“Vale… can we make a deal?” Marc asks after some thirty minutes of silence of them watching a movie. It’s one thing that Valentino is more than happy to preserve, because even if they know each other for years now, they still can watch movies that they never heard about and the other loves. Tonight is a Spanish one, that Marc always tried to make him watch and finally managed to. Valentino still thinks if he thought that they would never do this again...

“About what?” He doesn’t get it why he would want to make a deal, they are doing so well, at least is what he thinks...

“About us”  _ Of course _ . Vale tries to prepare himself for what is coming, but his anxiety seems to be stronger than him, his hands start to shake, something that he prefer to blame his age and not the  _ anxiety _ , as Marc continues. “The season will begin soon and everyone in the press will push us in the interviews and will look for something that we’ll do…”

He seems calm, almost like he prepared the speech. “And I miss you, I miss doing this” he points to the room “just laying on the couch and watching a movie or an old race, like we did here last year, and… when I told you that I still love you, and we… kissed. I thought we had solved it, but it’s more complicated than this, I know it now. I realized that.” He let him finish, not wanting to intervene in his thoughts. “But then you called me and we went to the place that I liked the most to be with you during holidays and… and… after the season ended my feelings changed and I thought that instead of solving things we had ended it. And I don’t want to feel it anymore. So you can ignore me as much as you want when we are out there, but in here I want to feel all the love you said you have. I don’t care if we fight on track. I don’t want to feel that I lost you again.” 

The last sentence was almost like a whisper. Valentino doesn’t know what to say, and usually he is not insecure. Actually he was never insecure, he has always been confident otherwise he wouldn’t be the Valentino Rossi everyone knows. But when it comes to love life, he is another person. His body craves to pick the boy and just kiss him and let it do the talking, but he can’t do it right now, he doesn’t want to make him even more confused. He can’t understand what is happening. He is scared of their feeling that he knows is love.

“Do you mean you want to try again?” He can’t believe that after he hurt him he still...

“Yes, I mean, not like we used to be. Now my mom kind of hates you, I can’t take you to my house.” _Of course she does._   
“So…?” he can’t form words. It seems like a dream and that he will wake up at any moment.

“No one needs to know… expect Alex and Luca”  _ Right, their brothers, the two that are together now... _

“They will figure it out” Marc moves to make his position more comfortable, and now they have nothing separating them, their legs are touching and it seems like fire in his skin. All their memories pass in his mind, all the intimate touches and kisses, one day he will die because of it, he is sure. “But” Marc continues. “I need to tell you something, actually, I need to ask you to stop doing something”

He will die and go to hell.

“Please, stop complaining. Can’t you see that there is nothing better than see that you are still racing? I am not talking as some fanboy because I’m not, but you are the only one who can’t see how incredible this is, you are here and I still want to be like you. Please, be more grateful, you are better when you are not that pessimist.”

 

It is the perfect time for the season to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in class, instead of studying... I have no time now and I will try to update this story with the races.  
> (I really tried to write something for their birthday but I couldn't :( )
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this one xx

**Author's Note:**

> So, after thinking I decided to finish this story and start a new one with the season!
> 
> It will still follow their thoughts through the season and, of course, will be much Rosquez.
> 
> Thank you so much for following my crazy fic, it really means a lot. Hope you will like the new one. See you soon <3


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